May 07, 2021

ENT Doctor Jokes

I have two young daughter who are really into jokes right now... Just so happens that there are a fair number of jokes either directly or peripherally related to the field of ENT. I am slowly collating them here. Enjoy!

  1. How do you make a tissue dance? Put some boogie in it!
  2. A guy goes to his doctor because he can hear into the future. The doctor asks him, "How long have you suffered from that condition?" The guy tells him, "Since next Monday."
  3. Why do vampires seem sick? They're always coffin.
  4. My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
  5. Why did the medical book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
  6. What do university ENT doctors eat when they're hungry? Academia nuts.
  7. A Sudafed truck overturned on the highway this morning. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours!
  8. I just got my ENT doctor's test results and I'm really upset. Turns out, I'm not gonna be an ENT doctor.
  9. The ENT doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
  10. What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."
  11. I just read that some kid in America gets an ear infection every 52 seconds. Poor kid.
  12. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
  13. Just say NO to drugs!" Well, If I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.
  14. My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste."
  15. Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!"
  16. There's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music. It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
  17. What does a bat say when it wakes up with ear infection. I'M BLIIIIIND!
  18. Patient: "My ear keeps ringing." Doctor: "Well why don't you answer it then?"
  19. I decided to check my balance at the bank today. Turns out I have an inner ear infection.
  20. It is ear-itating to have an ear infection.
  21. I went to my Ear Nose and Throat doctor for sinus infections, migraines, and ringing in my ears. After a battery of tests he took me aside for my diagnosis. "I am afraid your problems are all in your head."
  22. I had an ear infection, so I went to the doctor, who took a look and quickly diagnosed it and wrote a prescription and handed it to me. Doctor: It's just an ear infection, so 4 drops of this daily should clear it right up. Me: Cortisporin? So, I put the drops in my mouth? Doctor: No, no, no, you put it in your ear! Me: Oh, I read the name and Cortisporin sounds like something you'd take orally. Doctor: Nope, in the ear. Me: It's a good thing that you didn't prescribe me analgesics.
  23. How long does it take for an ear infection to get better? You have to play it by ear.
  24. My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors. But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn't smell good.
  25. Remember! It's impolite to ask people questions about their sinuses because that's their personal business. Don't be nosey.
  26. "Man, my sinuses are on fire!" "An allergy?" "No, a metaphor".
  27. A man goes to the Doctor and tells him he’s been having terrible gas, but his farts don’t smell and they are always silent, so nobody seems to notice. The Doctor prescribes him a pill and asks tells him to come back in a week. The man returns a week later and the Doctor asks if there had been any change in his condition. “Yes!” The man says. “I still have terrible gas, but now my farts smell horrible!!” “Great!” Says the Doctor. “Now that we have your sinuses cleared up, let’s work on your hearing!”
  28. Who is Bill Nye when he has a cold? The Sinus Guy!
  29. Which body part hurts most when you get hit by a right-angled triangle? Your sinuses.
  30. What do you call the King of the Noses? His Royal Sinus
  31. An ENT Doctor told a patient that he had bad breath. He was talking to someone in the waiting room at the time.
  32. My friend’s breath is so bad, we don’t know if he needs gum or toilet paper.
  33. My ENT doctor told me I had bad breath and gave me some extra strong toothpaste. Now all I need is a toothbrush.
  34. My friend’s breath is so bad, people look forward to his farts.
  35. I ate so much garlic pasta that I’ve now got Italitosis.
  36. How does a scientist freshen their breath? With experi-mints.
  37. You know you’ve got bad breath when you shout at your dog and he tries chewing it.
  38. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But an onion a day keeps everyone away.
  39. What do cannibals eat to stop their breath smelling? Men-toes.
  40. "Listen doc, my wife is slowly becoming deaf. What should I do? How can I cure her?" The doctor answers: "Well, take her to me and I'll see what I can do." But the guy says: "No, I don't want to." The doctor is surprised and says: "Why? How can I make a diagnose without seeing her?" The guy explains: "I don't want her to feel bad. I would like to cure her without her acknowledging it." The doc says: "Okay, let's try this: You go home, say to her a phrase just when you enter. If she doesn't answer, step a few meters and repeat the same phrase with the same tone of voice. If she still doesn't answer, repeat the process until she hears it. When she hears, calculate the distance and you come to me and tell it to me so we can do something." The guy goes home, he opens the door, he has a beautiful lounge area, and says "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?". No answer. He steps a couple of meters and repeats: "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?". Again no answer. He steps another couple of meters and repeats: "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?". Still no answer. He steps yet another couple of meters, he's very close to the door of the kitchen when there's the wife, and repeats: "Honey, what's for dinner tonight?". "CARNE ASADA! I SAID IT 4 TIMES ALREADY! GO TO THE ENT DOCTOR!"
  41. If Excel had a record label.... It would be Excel ENT.
  42. A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”
  43. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? “Get dressed up — the doctor is taking us out!”
  44. Doctor: “Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed 10 quarters last night?” Nurse: “No change yet.”
  45. Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
  46. Doctor, I’m hearing a ringing sound? Then answer the phone.
  47. The doctor told his patient to stop using a Q-Tip, but it went in one ear and out the other.
  48. What did the balloon say to the doctor? “I feel light-headed.”
  49. Why did the witch go to the doctor? She had a dizzy spell.
  50. A doctor accidentally prescribes his patient a laxative instead of cough syrup. Three days later the patient comes for a check-up and the doctor asks, “Well? Are you still coughing?” The patient replies, “No, I’m afraid to.”
  51. Why didn’t Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? A cold never bothered her, anyway.
  52. The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office, having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!” “Rats,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”
  53. Why did the calendar have to visit the doctor? It had a terrible year-ache.
  54. Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf. I haven’t heard from him since.
  55. Patient: “Will this ointment clear up my spots?” Doctor: “I never make rash promises.”
  56. The ENT doctor took his patient into the room and said, “I have some good news and some bad news.” The patient said, “Give me the good news first.” “They’re going to name the disease after you.”

Fauquier blog
Fauquier ENT

Dr. Christopher Chang is a private practice otolaryngology, head & neck surgeon specializing in the treatment of problems related to the ear, nose, and throat. Located in Warrenton, VA about 45 minutes west of Washington DC, he also provides inhalant allergy testing/treatment, hearing tests, and dispenses hearing aids.

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